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COMMUNISTS FOR KERRY

THE LIVING LEGEND
 


 

Smooth and full-bodied coffee grown by former
Nicaraguan Contras

In 1980 these freedom fighters defeated a communist dictatorship with U.S. assistance. Support them again today by ordering this exceptional coffee.

 
Che in History



Che & Halliburton

Did you know the great Che Guevara began fighting today's corporate giants back in the late 50's, when they still were little mom and pop outfits?

Unbeknownst to many historians, Che was the first revolutionary ever to target Halliburton, the huge fascist corporate entity and the epitome of corporate American greed, the puppet master of the Bush administration, and the arch nemesis of liberals everywhere.

Back in the 1950s, two college buddies turned entrepreneurs, Hal and Burt, opened up a small gas station in Bolivia. They soon had a thriving little business on their hands, and even employed local peasants. Hal and Burt were quickly turning into rich and corrupt capitalist pigs. Luckily for humanity, their filthy bliss ended with the arrival of young Ernesto.

As soon as Che arrived in Bolivia, he began to impose his special brand of socialism on the locals in the manner reminiscent of an interfering mother-in-law. Profit and individualism were to be outlawed. Che brought to the toiling masses what they had wanted for centuries - the ability to sit back and enjoy the socialist utopia via the barrel of an AK-47-wielding idealist.


It wasn't long before Che paid a visit to Hal and Burt's gas station. In what became the first instance of a gas station/convenience store stick up in recorded history, Che shot the place up and demanded an end to their capitalist behavior. Hal and Burt retaliated by inventing bulletproof windows and wound up selling and installing them throughout the world, which made them even richer and filthier.


But Hal and Burt didn't stop there. Their greed and maliciousness having no bounds, they lowered gas prices and began selling beer and microwavable popcorn. That triggered the spreading of microwave ovens, TVs, and Monday night football. Business became so good that Hal and Burt incorporated their outfit, which today is know world-wide as Halliburton. The bulletproof glass business prompted Hal and Burt to become defense ministry contractors, thus combining war and oil into one greasy, fire-breathing entity.

Meanwhile Ernesto went up the mountains and got Swiss-cheesed courtesy of Langley, VA. His priceless contribution to humanity has been forgotten. But whenever you see a gas station with bulletproof windows, think of Che - and thank him for triggering the advances in world's science and technology.


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