|Che in History |
Che & Halliburton
Did you know the great Che Guevara began fighting today's
corporate giants back in the late 50's, when they still were
little mom and pop outfits?
Unbeknownst to many historians, Che was the first revolutionary ever to target
Halliburton, the huge fascist corporate entity and the epitome of corporate American
greed, the puppet master of the Bush administration, and the arch nemesis
of liberals everywhere.
Back in the 1950s, two college buddies turned entrepreneurs,
Hal and Burt, opened up a small gas station in
Bolivia. They soon had a thriving little business on
their hands, and even employed local peasants. Hal
and Burt were quickly turning into rich and corrupt
capitalist pigs. Luckily for humanity, their filthy
bliss ended with the arrival of young Ernesto.
As soon as Che arrived in Bolivia, he began to impose
his special brand of socialism on the locals in the
manner reminiscent of an interfering mother-in-law.
Profit and individualism were to be outlawed. Che brought
to the toiling masses what they had wanted for centuries
- the ability to sit back and enjoy the socialist utopia
via the barrel of an AK-47-wielding idealist.
|It wasn't long before Che paid a visit to Hal and Burt's gas station. In what
became the first instance of a gas station/convenience store stick up
in recorded history, Che shot the place up and demanded an end to their capitalist
behavior. Hal and Burt retaliated by inventing bulletproof windows and wound
up selling and installing them throughout the world, which made them even richer
But Hal and Burt didn't
stop there. Their greed and maliciousness having no
bounds, they lowered gas prices and began selling
beer and microwavable popcorn. That triggered the spreading
of microwave ovens, TVs, and Monday night football.
Business became so good that Hal and Burt incorporated
their outfit, which today is know world-wide as Halliburton.
The bulletproof glass business prompted Hal and Burt
to become defense ministry contractors, thus combining
war and oil into one greasy, fire-breathing entity.
Meanwhile Ernesto went up the mountains and got Swiss-cheesed courtesy of Langley,
VA. His priceless contribution to humanity has been forgotten. But whenever you
see a gas station with bulletproof windows, think of Che - and thank him for
triggering the advances in world's science and technology.